Autistic Hedgehog

All people are welcome, allistic and autistic alike. The only rule is that you respect that this is a safe place for us and don’t try to police us when we express our feelings. 

I’ve heard of a fair few autistics that have that problem. For me, when I do have it, it seems to be more related to my ADHD. But it’s not unusual, and it certainly doesn’t make you stupid. 

That is one of the unfortunate things about the way society pathologizes us. If having a brain that doesn’t always function properly makes a person “stupid” than the entire population of this planet is “stupid,” because no one’s brain is perfect. My husband has a terrible time with his memory, for example. And human brains act in a lot of ways to deceive us, distorting our perception especially under the influence of strong emotions.

Something that happened to me the first year I lived in Sweden: We live on the fourth floor and our windows have no screens, so we’re open to everything if we want to open them in the summer. I could hear something flapping around in the kitchen, and I got up to go investigate. As soon as I was out in the hall, a swift came pelting out of the kitchen towards me. In my state of high adrenaline, not only did it look much larger than it actually was, but for a moment I thought it was a bat. Now, it was broad daylight so of course it wasn’t a bat, but the thought went through my head.

Not because I’m stupid or anything like that, but because I was full of adrenaline and fear, and that affected my perception of what was happening. That is the nature of the brain.

Whatever causes you to have this problem, you’re not alone. Not only are you not unusual as an autistic person, but you’re not unusual as a person, and you’re not stupid. 

I haven’t seen either movie, though I’ve seen bits and pieces of Rain Main (hooray, TV syndication?). But I have reservations about both of them.

It’s true that, back when it first came out, Rain Man was actually a positive thing for autism awareness, and Temple Grandin is (obviously) based on a real person, so that ought to be positive as well. But real understanding of autism hasn’t come. Instead, people with autism are generally broken into Rain Mans and Temple Grandins, and the lack of other media representation than those two images of autism has been harmful. Instead of being the positive force they could have been, I feel like both movies help contribute to the lack of nuance in popular views of autism.

This isn’t really the fault of the movies themselves, per se. The fault lies in media itself. Rarely do autistic characters appear unless they’re in stories dealing solely with their issues, and usually then from the perspective of their “poor, burdened” families. On the rare occasions that I have seen autistic characters in media in ways that aren’t all about Issues, they’re either stereotypes, or not canonically acknowledged as autistic. 

That makes it very difficult for such movies to have a positive impact and they often end up having a negative one, however inadvertently. But again, it’s less a problem with the movies themselves as it is with society, and it’s a problem that has to stop. But because of those problems, I can’t help but have reservations about Rain Man and Temple Grandin, because I know what will most likely come of ignorant people seeing them: more ignorance. 

(This is also, incidentally, another reason why I’m writing a book with an autistic main character. I want a chance to get a very different representation of autistics out into the mainstream media and well, if you want a job done right, often you’ve got to do it yourself.)

I don’t think so. Echolalia seems to be more about echoing other people rather than just echoing yourself. But echolalia has never really been much of a symptom of mine, so I’m not as knowledgeable about it as some other autistics.

I will say that I can and do get into states where I do the same thing, particularly states of high stress or other emotional turmoil. I’m not exactly sure what causes the impulse, but I wouldn’t be surprised if other autistics experience it too. 

It’s almost like those blue lights aren’t doing anything to actually raise people’s awareness of autism and what it is…Gosh, I wonder where that particular campaign could possibly be going wrong…

(Pardon my sarcasm. I find sometimes the only appropriate response to these ridiculous stereotypes is a hefty dose of acerbic sardonicism.) 

But sometimes I think that I just have social anxiety, but I’m still neurotypical. And then I think the opposite. I’m so full of self doubt and I don’t want to offend anyone, but this blog just seems to click with me.

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I don’t really see why the answer should be any different in your case than it is in anyone else’s. It sounds like you have a legitimate reason to not want an official diagnosis, and that’s fine. There are all sorts of reasons to be wary of being officially diagnosed. Just, as I always say, do your research. There’s various reasons for this, and perhaps one of the most important is ensuring that you’re identifying in a way that you feel comfortable and confident in. 

Though to be completely frank, you don’t have to be autistic, officially diagnosed or not, to relate to this blog. If it resonates with you, that’s all that matters. Even if “all” you have is social anxiety, that can be very difficult to deal with, and it’s no small wonder you relate to things on this blog. Even if, in the end, you decide that social anxiety is a better fit for you than autism, you’re always welcome here. 

(p2) person responsible for taking care of inventory. That way, I set my own pace, worked in a quite room by myself, my coworkers were happy because I was doing something they all hated doing. I also wasn’t being measure against my coworkers performance, because I was the only person working on the task I was doing. You may have to dig a bit once you find a job, but there are often tasks like this that you could probably excel at in various fields.

when I shut down or variations thereupon, one of the best ways to get me to come back is to get me talking about something I love, there are situations where the stress is too much and it doesn’t work, but generally my obsessions pull me out of anything else because I am so entirely focused on them that everything else gets canceled out–unfortunately not many people think to ask complex theoretical questions about obscure things when I seem to be collapsing in on myself

Honestly, if at all possible, it’s time for you to find a new therapist. This is a woman who has no place calling herself an “autistic specialist;” she ought to be fired. 

She’s wrong. Full stop. She’s ignorant and she’s doing you actual harm, and really, if you’re seeing her for things like depression, then it will only get worse with her treating you like that. You’re not in any way in the wrong here. She, however, is incredibly shitty at her job. 

I’m always happy to answer questions to the best of my ability here at Autistic Hedgehog (and sometimes my hedgehogs help out too).

There are also organizations like the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network that can prove information, and the askanautistic tag right here on Tumblr where you can find actually autistic people willing to answer questions. 

Just remember to be polite and you’ll find there are people (here or elsewhere) who are willing to answer your questions. 

Well, that does sound positive, and I hope that autism acceptance continues to move in such a direction. But it will continue to be a struggle as long as organizations like Autism $peaks are around to fearmonger. 

(p2) an assitant baker in a tiny shop, but I quite for a grown up job with benefits and whatever so i could get an apartment and be adult. And I almost had a nervous breakdown. If you are happiest and most comfortable making McFlurries at McDonalds, or moving mulch at a nursery, or driving a semi truck, or being a telemarketer, just do that. I think finding an environment and a group of people who do make you comfortable will make you the happiest. I hope that makes sense. Good luck!

even in triggering situations at work (like running around on a beach with nearly 100 other people, all of us elbow-to-elbow, rushing to plant mangroves and lay out oyster mats before the tide came in) I wasn’t being triggered. (cont’d) It’s like I was so focused on the work because I was so in love with what I was doing that it created a buffer or something. Maybe? It makes me curious to know if other hedgehogs have had similar experiences. (I’m done now)

For some reason my brain wants to respond to this with a macabre and inappropriate sense of humor. Please ignore my brain, it’s an asshole sometimes.

That aside, an armadillo works pretty well. I mean, holy crap, they sure can sound cranky.

Unfortunately, I’m not a very good person to ask for this. I stay home and work on my writing; we live off my husband’s (pretty darn good) salary, something we can get away with in part due to living in a country with universal healthcare and stuff. I’m very lucky that he’s supportive like this, because I’m not very well equipped for working. I never learned any good coping strategies.

But I know some of my hedgehogs have jobs or have held jobs, and have some experience with this sort of thing. If anyone has some advice they’d be willing to lend, please don’t be afraid to chime in. 

Not necessarily. We all have differing feelings about cuddling and touching. Some of us like it a lot, some of us hate it pretty much all the time, some of us fluctuate.

I’m very much a fluctuation type myself. Generally, I don’t like being hugged or touched much, but I usually don’t mind if it’s my husband. But even then there’s times I just don’t want to be held or hugged in any way, or times when all I want is to cuddle and be close. 

Like everything with us, it’s a spectrum. :)

It’s been a while, I think, since someone has asked about the hedgehog, so I don’t mind explaining.

I think a hedgehog is a good animal for representing autistics. Hedgehogs might look spiky, but if you treat them right, they can be very sweet and affectionate—something a lot of people never grasp about autistics. At the same time, treat a hedgehog poorly, scare it or make it angry, and it curls up in a tight ball with its spikes out. 

It reminded me very much of my own moods and on the day I decided to make AH, I was feeling quite prickly. I felt like a hedgehog was an accurate representation of how I was feeling, and when I brought the idea up to other autistics here on Tumblr, they agreed. Thus Autistic Hedgehog was born. 

Well, generally, I think part of the problem lies with the differences in our brains. I think we have a tendency to jump from point A to point C, whereas most brains stop at point B first. It’s an offshoot of our tendency to be literal, I think.

That might not seem like a bad thing (and for some situations it’s very useful) but it does mean that we say literally, and often succinctly, what we mean, without realizing that point B might in fact be very necessary. We know what we mean to say, and because we mean each word with such literalness, it’s hard to fathom at times why other’s might find it offensive.

But there can be all sorts of reasons for that, ranging from the fact that it simply doesn’t sound the same to their brains, to more complex matters, like we’ve accidentally hit on something personal to them in some way. It’s true that in some cases it’s impossible to avoid doing that (in which case the best solution is to apologize) but in a lot of situations, one can find a better way to state something. It’s helpful to have someone who can point out where you might be going wrong (I still have my husband vet a lot of my emails and the like) but if you don’t have anyone who can help, text is the best form of practice. Study your own emails, posts, text messages, whatever, and examine what you say. Try to see where something could perhaps be clearer or better stated. 

You might mean something in a nice way, but the words you pick may sound rude. You might say “So and so has a loud voice” and know that you mean it as compliment, because you’re dealing in a situation where having a loud voice is useful, but that could sound insulting to someone else—a better alternative might be “So and so has a nice voice that carries well.” You’d still be saying what you wanted to say, in essence, but in a way that explains in a little more detail what you meant. 

It’s not easy. It can be hard to know what might and might not offend, and some situations will put you between a rock and hard place. Sometimes there’s no polite way to say something because you’re in a situation where someone is a bit of an ass and will take something as an insult—like if you politely ask someone to stop smoking a cigarette but they’re that sort of smoker whose a jerk about it. That’s not really on you. 

One other thing to look out for: I don’t know if you ever have this problem, but it was huge for me growing up. My brain observes. It makes observations of things, very literally and dispassionately. The thing is, even though your brain may observe it with the sort of dispassion one observes “That’s a stop sign” it doesn’t mean that the observation itself is not offensive. 

Like this one time my husband’s ex-wife visited, and while we were all talking, my brain went, all matter-of-factly, “Hey, she looks like the kid who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies.” Happily, I’d had enough experience at that point to realize I should not actually say that out loud. But when I was younger I might have gone ahead and said it, because my brain wasn’t making the observation out of spite—it was just noticing it—and I didn’t understand back then that simply because my brain meant it unoffensively didn’t mean it wasn’t, well, offensive. 

Those sorts of things can be very hard to filter and again, if you don’t have anyone who understands and can point out when you’re doing it, then practicing in text can be useful. But don’t be too hard on yourself—it’s not easy to learn, and it’s something even allistics have trouble with at times. It’s a cliche, but it’s very much true that Rome wasn’t built in a day; do your best, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it down perfect right away. 

Oh yes, that’s right, we’re jealous of people who spread ignorance and lies about us.

We’re jealous of people who imply it takes superpowers to raise us, who act like loving us is abnormal, who want to wipe us off the face of the planet.

We’re jealous of people who say we have no emotions, no empathy, no intellect, and no value. 

We’re jealous of people who murder us, who institutionalize us, who force us into painful and traumatic therapies, who encourage us to die rather than get life saving surgery because our lives are worth so very little. 

We’re jealous of people dictate what is normal and use that to belittle us, to kill us, to make us hate ourselves, to take away our autonomy. 

We’re jealous of people who use our very being, what we are at our core, as an insult to belittle privileged douchebags or, even worse, people who are just enjoying what they love.

You’re right! It all makes sense now! I can see clearly!

Pfft. What I see, clearly, is that you’re ignorant and you are the one who is nonsensical. “Making fun of” is not the same thing as “calling out” and any person with sense knows which one we’re doing here. We are the ones being made fun of and worse, and we have every right to express our dissatisfaction and distaste with that. 

I will not sit here and be policed by an asshat who wants me to sit down and let my oppressors stomp all over me. Trololololol your ass out of here. 

(I thought, you might like to know, since you’re writing an autistic female character, and this is a comic about a futuristic world. Though now I think of it they don’t really delve into it too much, so it might not actually be helpful.)

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Interesting. I might check it out regardless, at least to see what it’s like. One of the best things a writer can do for their craft is to read, and to read all kinds of things. 

There’s actually a blog called Allism Speaks on tumblr which parodies Autism $peaks in such a way. A video of that nature could definitely be amusing, though it would, sadly, be overrun with allistics who don’t get the joke. 

Random anon hate in my inbox is random. Also boring. Seriously, haters, that’s the best you’ve got? You’re so far out of your league, it’s embarrassing. 

I’m not really a Vlog watching kind of hedgehog, but I did do a little Googling and came up with Arman Khodaei. Now I don’t know anything about him, but Googling on him doesn’t reveal anything immediately negative and it sounds like he’s got his head on straight, but my followers may know differently.

If anyone else knows of vlogging autistics, let me know. 

I myself had my assessment when I was only nine, so I don’t remember much about how it works, I’m afraid. I know some of my followers have had assessments much more recently than I have, though. Anyone got some advice for our fellow hedgehog to help them on their way? 

What sounds unrealistic? My novel? Considering I went into practically no detail at all, I’m not sure what is supposed to sound unrealistic about it. Perhaps you could be a bit more, you know, specific. 

…justice!?

What even…justice!? Justice from what? How? I just…I do not get allistic people sometimes, I really don’t. 

I don’t blame you for being mad. And I understand wanting to help their kid. Though frankly, I admire your self-restraint. I’m not sure I’d have been able to resist the urge to get out of my car and take my keys to the sides of the Eugenicsmobile. Maybe find something sufficiently sharp to take out the tires. 

Word-powered autistics, unite! 

(Funny how we’re supposed to be so crap at communication and yet so many of us love communication via writing. It’s almost like the “experts” don’t know what they’re talking about. Again.) 

Aww, y'all are so awesome. I honestly don’t know how to respond to all the support, I’m just so overwhelmed (in a good way!) by how much y'all get it, you know? 

I think that’s a little bit of a double-edged sword, as it often is with a character of any kind of minority status. Because people will make assumptions, like how if a character of color isn’t in some way explicitly stated as such, white readers will assume the character is white.

At the same time, there are stereotypes and other problems to deal with when a character is explicitly autistic. Currently I think media representation is largely a lose-lose situation; either the representation is loaded with stereotypes, or it’s not explicit and therefore it’s questionable whether it truly counts as representation.