Autistic Hedgehog

Here’s the thing. While in a sense your parents are right, I also think they’re very, very wrong.

They’re right that there will be people who call you a faker. That’s because there are people in this world who are ignorant and who probably won’t change no matter what any of us says or does. It’s something autistics deal with a lot: people who think we’re faking, or people who dismiss us because we appear to be “high-functioning” and thus don’t fit with what they think autism is supposed to mean. I won’t lie to you; you are going to encounter those people.

But I think your parents are wrong that it’s a bad idea. I think it’s a great idea and if it’s what you really want, you should go for it. Raising awareness is important, especially raising the awareness that autism means many different things. That we’re all different people with all different strengths and weaknesses, capable of accomplishing an enormous number of different things.

In the end, though, it comes down to you. There will be people who will call you a faker. There will be people who use you as inspiration porn. You may have to keep it quiet until you actually land a spot on a team–which in and of itself won’t be easy–to avoid discrimination. But if it really means something to you, don’t let ignorant people stop you from doing it. If it’s worth it to you and you’re willing to face what hurdles may come, more power to you. 

Whatever choice you make, make sure it’s the one that suits you, the one you pick for yourself, regardless of what others might say or do, because it’s what you want. You’ll always find support here at AH no matter what choice you make. 

Well, Jay, my question for you is: Do under even understand why it makes you uncomfortable?

It’s important to understand why you feel the way you feel, even if facing it might be uncomfortable. You’ve been honest with yourself that you have this problem to begin with, which is good.

Now, do you feel this way because someone else’s stimming or meltdowns, which can be loud or distracting or numerous other things, overload your own senses? Is it because you, like everyone else, have been taught your whole life that this sort of thing is supposed to make us feel uncomfortable? (Hooray, ableism.) Is it because there’s a part of you that fears that somehow anyone around you might see this person and make some sort of leap that you, too, are autistic (even if you’re not stimming or having a meltdown at the time)? Maybe it’s all of those things. Maybe it’s a combination of two of them. Maybe it’s something else. But discovering the reason will help you if you really want to change how you feel.

You’re also going to need patience and understanding, both for the other people and for yourself. This isn’t something you can change overnight, so don’t get too frustrated with yourself when you can’t stop those feelings right away. We’re often raised in societies that teach us that it’s rude to stare at people who are disabled, rude to ask questions, etc. etc., but really what we end up being taught is that it’s rude to acknowledge the existence of disabled people and, if we do, it’s rude to feel anything but discomfort and pity. We’re taught that there’s a stigma just by being near or like disabled people, and even when we’re disabled ourselves, we can’t easily escape having those lessons etched into our brains. 

This doesn’t make you a bad person, it really doesn’t. You’d be a bad person if you didn’t give a damn, but clearly you do. Now you need to accept that you’re not perfect, that you probably won’t change your feelings and get this right instantly, and that will help. 

And like I said, patience and understanding for the other person(s) involved. You know what they’re going through, you’re in a better place to empathize than anyone else. You actually understand, to some extent at the least, what drives their behavior, so you know there’s no real reason it should be so stigmatized. You know, somewhere inside you, that society is in the wrong for judging people, and part of getting over this will likely be learning not to give a damn what society thinks of you.

It’s hard to get away from what society teaches us; even when we’re autistic, a lot of those lessons burrow their way in. Shaking them off takes time, patience and acceptance, and what you need to do more than anything else is give yourself (and other people like you) all three of those. 

Also, the lack of empathy that autistics are notorious for is very apparent in you - the OP has a case of cancer in the family, ill parents, suffers from depression, tries to handle college and create some stable future so she could always be helpful to her sister. But YOU twist her words like she is some crybaby making her sister’s autism ‘all about herself’. You make it sound like all of the OP’s REAL LIFE PROBLEMS are irrelevant and she has no right to be sad, worried, or depressed I’m one of the rare (it seems) autistics with a lot of empathy, so I understand that people get sad, depressed, worried when faced with a very difficult life. It shocks me over and over again, the hypocrisy of autistics who demand unconditional acceptance and respect when it comes to their feelings and behavior, but have utter lack of respect for feelings of others, and no compassion for any allistic’s problems, no matter how difficult. Acceptance and respect should be RECIPROCAL Anyway, won’t be visiting your blog anymore. If you want to convince people that autistics can have a happy life, you can start by showing that you yourself are a positive and happy person, well-grounded and with a good character, without crabbing about petty things and belittling anyone’s problems except your own.

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I find it funny you criticize my reading comprehension when you a) chose to completely ignore that I was talking about multiple of those types of posts (of which there were several in the autism tag this morning alone) and b) apparently didn’t read the part where the poster in question complained about what they would do if something happened to their parents, as if said sibling would just never be able to do anything for herself. As if she would never be able to cope with the world, as if all was lost.

What makes you think you have a right to come here, insult autistic people by saying they have no empathy, pat yourself on the goddamn back for what a special empathetic autistic person you supposedly are, and then call us hypocrites? You think you’re better than us because you can be nasty to us when we don’t want to be treated like we’re burdens, like life is never going to be good for us? 

Let’s get something straight: I do not have to be a happy cheerful rainbow barfing sideshow puppy. I’m not going to be nice and suppress my every negative feeling to spare the feelings of the poor allistics who will never experience what it’s like to be me. Been there, done that, owned several different T-shirts on the matter. I do not have to be positive about people who whine about how horrible it is for them, that someone they know is autistic. None of us do. 

Please, go, and don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. This is a place for autistics to express their frustration with the way the world treats us; it was made for that and it is in fact stated right on the blog that that is it’s purpose. It is not a place to pander to the feelings of allistic people, not a place that demands we change how we think and hide who we are. You want a place that doesn’t offer you that? Go just about anywhere else in the world, you’ll find it.