Autistic Hedgehog

For some reason my brain wants to respond to this with a macabre and inappropriate sense of humor. Please ignore my brain, it’s an asshole sometimes.

That aside, an armadillo works pretty well. I mean, holy crap, they sure can sound cranky.

Unfortunately, I’m not a very good person to ask for this. I stay home and work on my writing; we live off my husband’s (pretty darn good) salary, something we can get away with in part due to living in a country with universal healthcare and stuff. I’m very lucky that he’s supportive like this, because I’m not very well equipped for working. I never learned any good coping strategies.

But I know some of my hedgehogs have jobs or have held jobs, and have some experience with this sort of thing. If anyone has some advice they’d be willing to lend, please don’t be afraid to chime in. 

Not necessarily. We all have differing feelings about cuddling and touching. Some of us like it a lot, some of us hate it pretty much all the time, some of us fluctuate.

I’m very much a fluctuation type myself. Generally, I don’t like being hugged or touched much, but I usually don’t mind if it’s my husband. But even then there’s times I just don’t want to be held or hugged in any way, or times when all I want is to cuddle and be close. 

Like everything with us, it’s a spectrum. :)

It’s been a while, I think, since someone has asked about the hedgehog, so I don’t mind explaining.

I think a hedgehog is a good animal for representing autistics. Hedgehogs might look spiky, but if you treat them right, they can be very sweet and affectionate—something a lot of people never grasp about autistics. At the same time, treat a hedgehog poorly, scare it or make it angry, and it curls up in a tight ball with its spikes out. 

It reminded me very much of my own moods and on the day I decided to make AH, I was feeling quite prickly. I felt like a hedgehog was an accurate representation of how I was feeling, and when I brought the idea up to other autistics here on Tumblr, they agreed. Thus Autistic Hedgehog was born. 

Well, generally, I think part of the problem lies with the differences in our brains. I think we have a tendency to jump from point A to point C, whereas most brains stop at point B first. It’s an offshoot of our tendency to be literal, I think.

That might not seem like a bad thing (and for some situations it’s very useful) but it does mean that we say literally, and often succinctly, what we mean, without realizing that point B might in fact be very necessary. We know what we mean to say, and because we mean each word with such literalness, it’s hard to fathom at times why other’s might find it offensive.

But there can be all sorts of reasons for that, ranging from the fact that it simply doesn’t sound the same to their brains, to more complex matters, like we’ve accidentally hit on something personal to them in some way. It’s true that in some cases it’s impossible to avoid doing that (in which case the best solution is to apologize) but in a lot of situations, one can find a better way to state something. It’s helpful to have someone who can point out where you might be going wrong (I still have my husband vet a lot of my emails and the like) but if you don’t have anyone who can help, text is the best form of practice. Study your own emails, posts, text messages, whatever, and examine what you say. Try to see where something could perhaps be clearer or better stated. 

You might mean something in a nice way, but the words you pick may sound rude. You might say “So and so has a loud voice” and know that you mean it as compliment, because you’re dealing in a situation where having a loud voice is useful, but that could sound insulting to someone else—a better alternative might be “So and so has a nice voice that carries well.” You’d still be saying what you wanted to say, in essence, but in a way that explains in a little more detail what you meant. 

It’s not easy. It can be hard to know what might and might not offend, and some situations will put you between a rock and hard place. Sometimes there’s no polite way to say something because you’re in a situation where someone is a bit of an ass and will take something as an insult—like if you politely ask someone to stop smoking a cigarette but they’re that sort of smoker whose a jerk about it. That’s not really on you. 

One other thing to look out for: I don’t know if you ever have this problem, but it was huge for me growing up. My brain observes. It makes observations of things, very literally and dispassionately. The thing is, even though your brain may observe it with the sort of dispassion one observes “That’s a stop sign” it doesn’t mean that the observation itself is not offensive. 

Like this one time my husband’s ex-wife visited, and while we were all talking, my brain went, all matter-of-factly, “Hey, she looks like the kid who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies.” Happily, I’d had enough experience at that point to realize I should not actually say that out loud. But when I was younger I might have gone ahead and said it, because my brain wasn’t making the observation out of spite—it was just noticing it—and I didn’t understand back then that simply because my brain meant it unoffensively didn’t mean it wasn’t, well, offensive. 

Those sorts of things can be very hard to filter and again, if you don’t have anyone who understands and can point out when you’re doing it, then practicing in text can be useful. But don’t be too hard on yourself—it’s not easy to learn, and it’s something even allistics have trouble with at times. It’s a cliche, but it’s very much true that Rome wasn’t built in a day; do your best, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it down perfect right away. 

Oh yes, that’s right, we’re jealous of people who spread ignorance and lies about us.

We’re jealous of people who imply it takes superpowers to raise us, who act like loving us is abnormal, who want to wipe us off the face of the planet.

We’re jealous of people who say we have no emotions, no empathy, no intellect, and no value. 

We’re jealous of people who murder us, who institutionalize us, who force us into painful and traumatic therapies, who encourage us to die rather than get life saving surgery because our lives are worth so very little. 

We’re jealous of people dictate what is normal and use that to belittle us, to kill us, to make us hate ourselves, to take away our autonomy. 

We’re jealous of people who use our very being, what we are at our core, as an insult to belittle privileged douchebags or, even worse, people who are just enjoying what they love.

You’re right! It all makes sense now! I can see clearly!

Pfft. What I see, clearly, is that you’re ignorant and you are the one who is nonsensical. “Making fun of” is not the same thing as “calling out” and any person with sense knows which one we’re doing here. We are the ones being made fun of and worse, and we have every right to express our dissatisfaction and distaste with that. 

I will not sit here and be policed by an asshat who wants me to sit down and let my oppressors stomp all over me. Trololololol your ass out of here.