Autistic Hedgehog

I’m going to say something here that might be a bit controversial, but I think it needs to be said.

It’s true that in most situations, avoiding violence is best. But we should never forget that the idea that violence is wrong is often used as a tool of oppressors to keep people oppressed. Think about it: People are perpetrating violence (and yes, it is violence) against you, yet you’re the one feeling guilty. Because so many of us live in a society so twisted that many types of violence against people are accepted and normalized, but standing up for oneself is demonized. Especially when you’re someone that someone else wants to keep oppressed. 

You shouldn’t let people convince you that standing up for yourself is wrong. You shouldn’t let people convince you to tolerate touching you don’t want. It may be that threats of violence will be the only thing you can do with some people (violence was the only thing that worked against bullies in school) but let’s see if we can’t find something you are more comfortable with that will work on most people.

First of all, if you’re dealing in people you know won’t seriously harm you, you could try a threat of much lesser violence: pinching. You may have to follow through on it with some people, but most people really don’t like being pinched and if you feel like it’ll make someone back off (and make you feel less guilty) give it a try.

Something my husband suggested was carrying a small water gun with you and squirting people with it when they touch you against your will (it does often work on cats, after all). Again, since this is probably going to annoy people, be careful who you use it on and you should probably give anyone you do use it on a warning first. 

You can also try saying “Ow” really loudly or screaming like you’re in pain, or something similar. Something that will make other people feel uncomfortable and guilty–which they should. 

Whatever you try, always keep your own safety in mind. And though it can be hard, avoid those kind of people whenever you can. People who have so little respect for your feelings that they touch you against your will are not good people. Even when it’s family, such behavior is toxic. You’re not the one at fault here; they are.

(If anyone has any further suggestions or knows some nonviolent techniques that work in these situations, please send them to my inbox.)

Here’s the thing: The problem with that particular allistic person is that all they’ve done is look at a symptom or two (maybe a list of symptoms) and declared themselves autistic. Of course they’re going to pick up certain small habits–like hand flapping–from their sibling, because that’s what humans do. But that’s not all autism is about, and that particular kind of allistic person doesn’t stop to consider that. 

The two key pieces, I think, are knowing what autism is and actually knowing autistic people (and as we all know too well, knowing autistic people does not guarantee knowledge of autism). My husband’s school psychologist once said that my husband had a “lick of Asperger’s” (side-eyeing so hard right now) but my husband, having known me for so many years now, doesn’t feel he’s autistic at all. Certainly he understands better than most allistics, but he’s well-informed enough to know the difference between having autism and having some things that are similar to symptoms of autism. 

It sounds as if you’ve done your research, so that’s not the problem here. No matter what, you’re not the person going “Guys, I looked at a list of autism symptoms because my brother is autistic and I totally think I am too!” Most of us on Tumblr are not going to have a problem with you identifying as autistic.

If you’re still feeling uncertain, though, one thing you could consider doing is sitting down and writing out a list of why you feel you’re autistic. If the list comes out short and/or shallow, maybe you need to reevaluate. But if not, relax a little–you’re definitely not that allistic person, okay?

For clarification, this is in regards to this post.

That's exactly it, and it’s done with a lot of behaviors you see in every child on the planet, regardless of whether they’re autistic or not. All children learn by mimicry (echolalia), for example, but autistic children may start this behavior much later than allistic children. Even if it goes away (whether it does or not is dependent upon the individual and circumstances) it’s still looked at as a symptom and as something “abnormal” when all it really is, is just a bit late. 

(Incidentally, even if echolalia doesn’t go away in an autistic person, this isn’t anywhere near as strange as “experts” want to make it out to be, because it doesn’t technically go away fully in allistic people either. Although most of them never realize, they will continue to echo people who are around them constantly, picking up on said people’s mannerisms and speech patterns, throughout their entire lives. They’ll even do it at times with people they’ve just met: for example, it’s a perfectly normal (and instinctual) thing for someone to mimic the sitting position of someone they’re talking to if they’re interested in that person. Pfft to you, “experts.”)

So yeah, us being “different” makes people pathologize our behavior regardless of how actually normal it in truth is. I explained it to my husband like this:

If an allistic child shows a keen interest in serial killers, people will assume they have a future as a profiler for the FBI.

If an autistic child shows a keen interest in serial killers, people will assume they have a future as a serial killer. 

That’s just utter bullshit, but it doesn’t stop people from treating us like it’s true. 

In regards to this post.

I think this was supposed to have a second half? IDK.

Although allistics (non-autistics) have assigned the classifications “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” autism, those really don’t work very well for what autism actually is. Autism is a spectrum, and no individual sits firmly on one spot of that spectrum. Even people who appear “higher” or “lower” functioning tend to sort of…slide around, I guess you could say. 

It’s all dependent upon the situation. In a normal situation where I’m perfectly comfortable, a lot of people would never tell I’m autistic. Start piling on certain stimuli and the like, though, and that can change. I’m terrified of needles and when I have to get bloodwork, we (my husband and I) usually instruct people to handle me as if they’re handling a small child. I hate that, it’s humiliating, but it seems to be the only thing people understand. (And incidentally, last year I ended up with even worse trauma than before, because something got lost in translation and I ended up surrounded by three people who stuck me with a needle roughly half a dozen times.)

Beyond functioning labels there really aren't levels of autism. There’s a spectrum and symptoms and individuals; that’s it. And a number of actually autistic people don’t care much for functioning labels.

P.S. For any allistics reading this: Absolutely DO NOT go around treating autistics like small children because you think something might be upsetting or overstimulating for them. That is a precaution I choose to take to protect myself, and one I wouldn’t have to take if there wasn’t so much ignorance about autism spread around. 

That’s sort of a tricky question, because sometimes stims intersect with other things, and there are a lot of things that count as stims.

Simplified, a stim is a repetitive motion or action (it might be making a sound rather than moving) and it can be an expression of a number of emotions: fear, happiness, contentment, anxiety. It can also be a way to calm fear or anxiety, or to ground one’s happiness.  I don’t think a long period of repetition is necessary for something to be a stim (I sometimes make a small string of sounds along the lines of “nif nif nif” which I tend to do in stim-like situations) but over all it’s something that repeats. 

Using my own as an example:

• I rock when agitated, hurt (as in injured) or in other ways upset, though sometimes this only makes me more agitated.
• I sway (which is more rhythmic than rocking) when happy, content, tired or some mixture thereof. 
• I flap, but very little. Usually I flap my entire arms, and the motion is connected to a very particular anxiety, like when I’m asking for permission for something. 
• I rub on smooth textures (like satin ribbon) for comfort in situations where I’m anxious or want to feel extra content.
• I make small chains of sounds, like the “nif nif nif” I mentioned earlier, often as an expression of feeling good or feeling silly.

You can see there’s sort of a pattern of how those connect. There’s another thing I do that I don’t consider a stim, though. I bite the skin around my fingernails. While I do it more in times of increased anxiety, I always do it regardless, I have a tendency to hurt myself doing it, and it doesn’t really make me feel better in any way. I just can’t help it. That’s where I draw the line.

Some things are unquestionably not stims, but for the most part, you need to find your own personal guidelines for what a stim is to you. If something falls outside those guidelines, then odds are good you’re not doing it for stimming purposes.