Autistic Hedgehog

I’m going to say something here that might be a bit controversial, but I think it needs to be said.

It’s true that in most situations, avoiding violence is best. But we should never forget that the idea that violence is wrong is often used as a tool of oppressors to keep people oppressed. Think about it: People are perpetrating violence (and yes, it is violence) against you, yet you’re the one feeling guilty. Because so many of us live in a society so twisted that many types of violence against people are accepted and normalized, but standing up for oneself is demonized. Especially when you’re someone that someone else wants to keep oppressed. 

You shouldn’t let people convince you that standing up for yourself is wrong. You shouldn’t let people convince you to tolerate touching you don’t want. It may be that threats of violence will be the only thing you can do with some people (violence was the only thing that worked against bullies in school) but let’s see if we can’t find something you are more comfortable with that will work on most people.

First of all, if you’re dealing in people you know won’t seriously harm you, you could try a threat of much lesser violence: pinching. You may have to follow through on it with some people, but most people really don’t like being pinched and if you feel like it’ll make someone back off (and make you feel less guilty) give it a try.

Something my husband suggested was carrying a small water gun with you and squirting people with it when they touch you against your will (it does often work on cats, after all). Again, since this is probably going to annoy people, be careful who you use it on and you should probably give anyone you do use it on a warning first. 

You can also try saying “Ow” really loudly or screaming like you’re in pain, or something similar. Something that will make other people feel uncomfortable and guilty–which they should. 

Whatever you try, always keep your own safety in mind. And though it can be hard, avoid those kind of people whenever you can. People who have so little respect for your feelings that they touch you against your will are not good people. Even when it’s family, such behavior is toxic. You’re not the one at fault here; they are.

(If anyone has any further suggestions or knows some nonviolent techniques that work in these situations, please send them to my inbox.)

That’s sort of a tricky question, because sometimes stims intersect with other things, and there are a lot of things that count as stims.

Simplified, a stim is a repetitive motion or action (it might be making a sound rather than moving) and it can be an expression of a number of emotions: fear, happiness, contentment, anxiety. It can also be a way to calm fear or anxiety, or to ground one’s happiness.  I don’t think a long period of repetition is necessary for something to be a stim (I sometimes make a small string of sounds along the lines of “nif nif nif” which I tend to do in stim-like situations) but over all it’s something that repeats. 

Using my own as an example:

• I rock when agitated, hurt (as in injured) or in other ways upset, though sometimes this only makes me more agitated.
• I sway (which is more rhythmic than rocking) when happy, content, tired or some mixture thereof. 
• I flap, but very little. Usually I flap my entire arms, and the motion is connected to a very particular anxiety, like when I’m asking for permission for something. 
• I rub on smooth textures (like satin ribbon) for comfort in situations where I’m anxious or want to feel extra content.
• I make small chains of sounds, like the “nif nif nif” I mentioned earlier, often as an expression of feeling good or feeling silly.

You can see there’s sort of a pattern of how those connect. There’s another thing I do that I don’t consider a stim, though. I bite the skin around my fingernails. While I do it more in times of increased anxiety, I always do it regardless, I have a tendency to hurt myself doing it, and it doesn’t really make me feel better in any way. I just can’t help it. That’s where I draw the line.

Some things are unquestionably not stims, but for the most part, you need to find your own personal guidelines for what a stim is to you. If something falls outside those guidelines, then odds are good you’re not doing it for stimming purposes. 

Actually, what I meant was that things in general, like diagnostic procedure, have gone to shit since I was diagnosed. My own story seems to be so very different from anything else I’ve heard, and it seems to me like understanding of autism has gone down since then, not up.

For example, I was surprised to learn that people have got it into their heads that Asperger’s Syndrome isn’t autism, because it was never explained to be as anything but. It seems, however, that that hasn’t been the case for a lot of people. I did receive therapy, but I’d never heard the phrase “quiet hands” before coming to Tumblr, and in fact I was in a group therapy that treated us like human beings. I would’ve thought there’d be more of that these days, but there appears to be less.

My hesitations with diagnosis for adult autistics comes from my experience in trying to find a new psychiatrist once I became an adult myself.

I was sent to a woman who had no idea what autism was. I had to explain it to her, and she proceeded to decide that I didn’t have it–she tried to remove my diagnosis without even knowing what the diagnosis meant. Someone who knew what autism is and had an expert understanding of it probably would’ve noticed that I literally could not look at her face by the end of the session. Not even faked eye contact, I could not look at her. That’s part of how my autism expresses itself–the less I like a person, the harder it is for me to look at them.

Admittedly, this woman was particularly bad. She also tried to dismiss my PTSD diagnosis because I’d never been caught in a tornado or seen someone raped and murdered (because, I guess, brutal bullying, parents committing suicide, and being raped oneself do not count as trauma). But she’s why I urge caution and research before seeking diagnosis as an adult. Awareness and knowledge of autism has not improved; it’s still viewed as something only children have and in many places adult psychiatrists have little to no knowledge of what it really entails.

I have very little way of knowing where the people who ask about diagnosis live and what their situation is like. If they’re in a situation where, due to expense or other circumstances, they can’t afford to keep trying if they meet an asshat like that woman, trying to get a diagnosis could just be stressful, expensive and useless. Thus, I say consider it carefully and do as much research as possible to find someone who knows how to diagnose autism in adults if you want a diagnosis. But if you’re not sure you want one or not convinced you need one, you may want to refrain or speak more to other people about it first. 

Ugh, you’re gonna make me look at it? Yay.

The first thing that jumps out at me is this:

Not many children with autism live independently after reaching adulthood, though some become successful.

I know for a fact that there are a number of independent and successful autistics adults right here on Tumblr. What really bothers me about this, though, is that it adds to a pervasive rhetoric on autism that make parents, siblings, and others react to an autism diagnosis with “OMG my child/brother/cousin/whatever will never be independent they’ll be like this their whole lives what a tragedy what a burden OMG!" 

Here’s an entire paragraph that makes me want to barf:

There are many anecdotal reports, but few systematic studies, of aggression and violence in individuals with ASD. The limited data suggest that, in children with mental retardation, autism is associated with aggression, destruction of property, and tantrums. A 2007 study interviewed parents of 67 children with ASD and reported that about two-thirds of the children had periods of severe tantrums and about one-third had a history of aggression, with tantrums significantly more common than in non-autistic children with language impairments.

The connection of autism to violence, aggression and tantrums. Those of us who are autistic recognize meltdowns for what they are, but you’ll see the word isn’t used here. It’s true that it’s important to teach autistic children as much as possible that violence and aggression are not okay, but there is no understanding or acknowledgement of what causes these incidences in autistic children to begin with. It just links autism to aggression and tantrums as if autistics fly off the handle for no reason whatsoever, and we know that’s not true.

Think about the Sandy Hook shooting. How many people, in the aftermath, might have gone running off to Wikipedia to find out more about autism and saw that? Looks pretty stigmatizing to me. 

But the thing is, I’m not the one who made that meme. The person who did make it is more than welcome to do a write up on it and send it to Autistic Hedgehog if they’d like, but that’s all I care to stomach of the article myself. 

Oh boy. 

This sounds like the sort of thing that won’t prove easy, especially if they’re not being entirely serious about it. I don’t know, do any of them seem to have real worries about it, or is it all just “Sometimes I act like X, I must totally be autistic, lol”? The former is something that may take some sensitivity to navigate; the latter will pit you up against a bunch of privileged people who don’t get that this is life to  you, that you can’t laugh about it and then not have to deal with it later.

This is not one of the particular problems I’ve had with allistic/NT friends, so I’m going to ask my followers here for some help. Please send answers directly to my inbox so I can be absolutely sure to get them.