Autistic Hedgehog

Well, generally, I think part of the problem lies with the differences in our brains. I think we have a tendency to jump from point A to point C, whereas most brains stop at point B first. It’s an offshoot of our tendency to be literal, I think.

That might not seem like a bad thing (and for some situations it’s very useful) but it does mean that we say literally, and often succinctly, what we mean, without realizing that point B might in fact be very necessary. We know what we mean to say, and because we mean each word with such literalness, it’s hard to fathom at times why other’s might find it offensive.

But there can be all sorts of reasons for that, ranging from the fact that it simply doesn’t sound the same to their brains, to more complex matters, like we’ve accidentally hit on something personal to them in some way. It’s true that in some cases it’s impossible to avoid doing that (in which case the best solution is to apologize) but in a lot of situations, one can find a better way to state something. It’s helpful to have someone who can point out where you might be going wrong (I still have my husband vet a lot of my emails and the like) but if you don’t have anyone who can help, text is the best form of practice. Study your own emails, posts, text messages, whatever, and examine what you say. Try to see where something could perhaps be clearer or better stated. 

You might mean something in a nice way, but the words you pick may sound rude. You might say “So and so has a loud voice” and know that you mean it as compliment, because you’re dealing in a situation where having a loud voice is useful, but that could sound insulting to someone else—a better alternative might be “So and so has a nice voice that carries well.” You’d still be saying what you wanted to say, in essence, but in a way that explains in a little more detail what you meant. 

It’s not easy. It can be hard to know what might and might not offend, and some situations will put you between a rock and hard place. Sometimes there’s no polite way to say something because you’re in a situation where someone is a bit of an ass and will take something as an insult—like if you politely ask someone to stop smoking a cigarette but they’re that sort of smoker whose a jerk about it. That’s not really on you. 

One other thing to look out for: I don’t know if you ever have this problem, but it was huge for me growing up. My brain observes. It makes observations of things, very literally and dispassionately. The thing is, even though your brain may observe it with the sort of dispassion one observes “That’s a stop sign” it doesn’t mean that the observation itself is not offensive. 

Like this one time my husband’s ex-wife visited, and while we were all talking, my brain went, all matter-of-factly, “Hey, she looks like the kid who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies.” Happily, I’d had enough experience at that point to realize I should not actually say that out loud. But when I was younger I might have gone ahead and said it, because my brain wasn’t making the observation out of spite—it was just noticing it—and I didn’t understand back then that simply because my brain meant it unoffensively didn’t mean it wasn’t, well, offensive. 

Those sorts of things can be very hard to filter and again, if you don’t have anyone who understands and can point out when you’re doing it, then practicing in text can be useful. But don’t be too hard on yourself—it’s not easy to learn, and it’s something even allistics have trouble with at times. It’s a cliche, but it’s very much true that Rome wasn’t built in a day; do your best, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it down perfect right away. 

Oh yes, that’s right, we’re jealous of people who spread ignorance and lies about us.

We’re jealous of people who imply it takes superpowers to raise us, who act like loving us is abnormal, who want to wipe us off the face of the planet.

We’re jealous of people who say we have no emotions, no empathy, no intellect, and no value. 

We’re jealous of people who murder us, who institutionalize us, who force us into painful and traumatic therapies, who encourage us to die rather than get life saving surgery because our lives are worth so very little. 

We’re jealous of people dictate what is normal and use that to belittle us, to kill us, to make us hate ourselves, to take away our autonomy. 

We’re jealous of people who use our very being, what we are at our core, as an insult to belittle privileged douchebags or, even worse, people who are just enjoying what they love.

You’re right! It all makes sense now! I can see clearly!

Pfft. What I see, clearly, is that you’re ignorant and you are the one who is nonsensical. “Making fun of” is not the same thing as “calling out” and any person with sense knows which one we’re doing here. We are the ones being made fun of and worse, and we have every right to express our dissatisfaction and distaste with that. 

I will not sit here and be policed by an asshat who wants me to sit down and let my oppressors stomp all over me. Trololololol your ass out of here. 

There’s actually a blog called Allism Speaks on tumblr which parodies Autism $peaks in such a way. A video of that nature could definitely be amusing, though it would, sadly, be overrun with allistics who don’t get the joke. 

Random anon hate in my inbox is random. Also boring. Seriously, haters, that’s the best you’ve got? You’re so far out of your league, it’s embarrassing. 

I’m not really a Vlog watching kind of hedgehog, but I did do a little Googling and came up with Arman Khodaei. Now I don’t know anything about him, but Googling on him doesn’t reveal anything immediately negative and it sounds like he’s got his head on straight, but my followers may know differently.

If anyone else knows of vlogging autistics, let me know. 

I myself had my assessment when I was only nine, so I don’t remember much about how it works, I’m afraid. I know some of my followers have had assessments much more recently than I have, though. Anyone got some advice for our fellow hedgehog to help them on their way?