Autistic Hedgehog

[“Autism is life devastated.”

Oh, you’ve seen my bedroom, I take it?]

Okay, perhaps I’m being too flippant about this, because that’s a really shit thing to say about us, but come on…Drama llama much? Yes, sure, things like my desk look like they were hit by a natural disaster, but that’s really the extent of the devastation in my life.

Weeellll, unless you count being horribly rejected by my family because my autism made me too strange for them, but I’m done putting any of the blame for that on me or my autism. That’s all on them. I don’t know, it seems like there’d be less “devastation” from autism if people stopped freaking out and trying to find a place to point the finger of blame, and just learned to adapt to us instead. 

[I don’t want your awareness

I need your acceptance]

Feeling a little melancholy at the moment, and I can’t help thinking: Why can’t it just be okay that I’m me?

[“Autistic people are so violent, we should kill them all!”

…but that's not violent?!]

Seriously, allistic people, what. the. fuck. is wrong with you!? (Yes, trigger warning on that link like whoa.)

If we’re the violent ones, how come we’re the ones who keep ending up dead? Explain that to me please. 

I’m sorry. Sometimes I can’t help knowing my answer long before I can put it in words.

[Pledge to reopen Autistic Hedgehog

Promptly come down with a cold]

Ahahahaha, fml.

I’m still reopening the inbox tomorrow, but I may not be able to answer anything right away. It depends on how long this cold lasts. Honestly, with all the stress I’ve been under, it’s kind of amazing that my immune system didn’t cave sooner. 

But yes, the inbox will reopen regardless. It just might take a couple days before I get to responses, because I don’t brain well when I’m sick. (Does anyone?)

[Made fun of by family for “strange” food habits

No one ever says a word about allistic sister eating cold ravioli for breakfast every day for years]

I hate being teased for me eating habits, and my family has done it to me for years. Yes, there’s a lot of things I can’t eat. Yes, I tend to eat the same thing over and over again. There’s numerous reasons for this, some of them seated in the way autistics are treated, some of them a direct trait of the autism.

A lot of it is to do with my texture issues. Thanksgiving was always like the worst thing ever: Mashed potatoes, all kinds of mashed up squashes, tons of things with wonky textures, and of course I got teased because all I would eat was turkey and cranberry sauce. I can’t help that I have so many texture issues. Believe me, I wish I didn’t. 

I also get nervous about trying something different, for example, at a restaurant. I’m afraid I won’t like it (more because of texture than taste). Not only was my father always a stickler about not “wasting” food (I had to stay at the table until my plate was finished), but because other people didn’t have my texture problems, they didn’t believe me. I spent years convinced the problem was in my head.

But my sister, who doesn’t appear to have texture problems, would go through phases of eating the same thing. Ramen for breakfast (yes, breakfast) for years, cold ravioli, broccoli with dinner every night for months. When she did it, it was at most a bit quirky. Me? I was some sort of unnatural fucking weirdo.

[Top text: Please google your 101 questions]

[Bottom text: Before you ask me]