Autistic Hedgehog

[“Autistics are the nicest people you’ll ever meet because they don’t know how to hate people.”

Yes, because we’re actually made out of magical hate-proof fairy dust instead of water, electricity and skin cells like everyone else.]

Could we just…stop with this kind of nonsense, please? Autistic people are people. Like any other people, we can (and do) learn hate, and we learn all kinds of hate. Okay? It really is just that simple. Occam’s Razor: Autistic people are people and people can hate so autistic people can hate. 

There we go. We can stop this silliness now. 

[“I’m raising a child with autism. What’s your superpower?”

Resisting the urge to strange every person who thinks they’re Captain Good Parent for raising an autistic child.]

Could we please just stop acting like raising an autistic child is something that requires being bitten by a radioactive spider or being a bulletproof alien from the planet Krypton? Please? Because it’s really fucking insulting to have people say things that imply that the very act of raising you requires greater than human ability. 

P.S. Before any allistics try to crawl into my inbox to gaslight me with how I don’t understand what’s really being said here, I’d like to make it abundantly clear that I have no fucks to give. If your intentions are really so good, fucking think harder next time about how you sound when you say this shit! 

[“My son has autism but he’s not autistic!”

So does he keep it in a jar on his shelf or something?]

No, I’m not kidding or exaggerating. This is the sort of shit drifting around the autism tag right now. Rhetoric like this. 

This is why “person with autism” is such problematic language. Some parents try to defend it with claims that it’s because they see their child as a person first WHARGARBL. I suppose there’s something to be said for this person’s honesty. 

Please note that I’m not saying autistic people shouldn’t define themselves as “people with autism” if they so choose. But allistic people have no right to dictate what language gets applied to us. Whether they realize it or not, when they talk about “people with autism” a part of them is trying to separate autism from person, as if autism is some parasite that has taken up residence in their child’s body rather than a very real part of their child. 

This is a genuine–though slightly paraphrased–quote from a person who honestly believes having autism and being autistic are two distinct things. That attitude is vicious and harmful, so when you see autistics speak out against person-first language, know that this is why. 

[“You’ve comforted someone in their time of need? You can’t be autistic!”

Why the everloving fuck not?]

[TW: Death] I think this is one that pissed me off more than most of them. Autistics get a rep for being cold and unemotional, for not being affectionate or sympathetic, when it truth most of us just show those things in unconventional ways. 

When my husband’s grandfather passed away a few years ago, I comforted him by sitting with him and reading The Spiderwick Chronicles aloud. Yeah, it’s not “I’m so sorry for your loss” but my husband knows me. He knows that 1) that’s not how I operate (but that doesn’t mean I don’t care) and 2) I’ve actually lost a lot of people in my life and find phrases like those empty and meaningless, so I never say them. 

A couple of years ago his sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. One evening we found out she didn’t have long to live. The next morning, when the phone rang, I left the bathroom (not quite literally mid-pee, but close) and ran out to hold him while he got the news. (I knew it would be bad news because the phone always rings in the morning when it is. Any time the phone rings before noon, I’m hard-pressed not to freak out.)

When my mom was curled up on the floor screaming and crying over the death of my fourteen-year-old cousin, I was the one who held her.

It’s true that in most cases I’m quiet. I stand by, silent, not crying so everyone else has room to express their grief. That’s how I act, how I cope. That I don’t often comfort people in the expected ways does not mean I’m not trying, in my own way, to offer comfort. And when I do offer comfort, this by no means negates my autism.

That goes for all of us. 

[“You lead a very active sex life? You can’t be autistic!”

Guess I’ll just stop then. … Pfft! Not!]

I’m not sure what exactly this particular generalization is supposed to be based on. The misconception that we’re all asexual? The misconception that we’re incapable of consenting to sex? The misconception that we can’t socialize enough to get laid? All of the above? Your guess is as good as mine.

[“You aren’t obsessed with a single interest? You can’t be autistic!”

Even Simon Baron-Cohen thinks you’re ridiculous.]

‘Nuff said.