Autistic Hedgehog

[I love how much

We understand each other]

Seriously. Seeing how many people liked and/or reblogged my last post made me feel a lot better.

Sometimes it’s frustrating with autism (or similar problems), because we have some odd little quirks, and it’s hard to find people in everyday life who can relate to most of them. That’s one of the things I’ve loved about tumblr (even though I haven’t been here long) and especially about these memes. I suddenly found a whole bunch of people who understand exactly how I feel. 

So here is a little hedgehog chilling with some cacti, to show my appreciation.  

[Having bad day

Consider quitting all social websites]

Is it just me? Whenever I’m having a bad day or feel particularly crappy for some reason, I get this way. It’s like my brain forgets any success I’ve had on a given site and just carries on about how much I’m ignored and people don’t talk to me and omg I don’t want to cope with this shit anyway–that kind of thing. 

I generally get over it (although there are a few sites where I genuinely have not had enough success to stay) but it’s like whenever I’m feeling down, I want to quit everything. When I feel good I don’t mind the effort, but when I feel like crap, even thinking about the effort required makes me want to curl up and hide. 

Why does my brain never shut up? :(

[T-shirts to raise money for Autism Speaks?

I’d rather be naked]

I know, I know, I should probably stay out of the autism tag. It’s rife with idiot college kids doing shit like making T-shirts to raise money for A$. But on the bright (?) side, it’s pretty good fodder for memes.

P.S. Start sending me your ideas for anti-Autism Speaks t-shirts. I have a plan to take over the world.

[I am awesometistic.

I do not suffer for this.]

Word.

(From the meme generator.)

[Anyone who tries to rewire my brain

Is going to die a very bloody death]

I’m sure most of you have seen this by now. Seriously, scientists, doctors, all y'all medical peeps: Back the fuck off. 

Here’s the thing, right. There are definitely aspects of my autism that I wouldn’t mind alleviating somewhat. Certainly there are aspects that I hope, with some work and real research, we can learn to alleviate for all autistics. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s frustrated by the sheer amount of things I can’t eat because OMIGOD NOES texture get it away from me!

But with everything I’ve seen lately, I don’t trust people. I don’t trust them to understand what parts of me are valuable. I don’t trust them to understand that even the more problematic aspects of autism wouldn’t bother me half as much if other people were more tolerant and flexible. I certainly don’t trust them with the task of rewiring brains, especially on people who aren’t yet old enough to understand and appreciate their brains. 

There are so many aspects of my autistic brain that I love and value, despite the hardships it’s brought me. I don't want to see the world the way allistics do. I mean, no offense guys, seriously, but in spite of all the problems, it’s more interesting in here. I like it, my terror of social spaces and public transportation notwithstanding. And I simply don’t trust The Powers That Be to understand and respect that. I don’t trust them to allow me the autonomy to make my own decisions, to accept that I can make my own decisions.

Until I can trust them, they need to stay far, far away from me with their metaphorical ice picks. (Sorry for the ramble, I just have so many feels about this.)

[Allistic person says verbal autistics don’t have “real” autism

Wishes non-verbal allistics were a thing]

In other words, allistic people, STFU. Just because you have a child/sibling/cousin/uncle/whatever with autism does not make you an expert. And don’t make me have to tell you where you can stick this “real” autism nonsense. 

[Someone compares their sibling’s autism to the 9/11 terrorist attacks

Cannot think of a single nonviolent response to this]

No, seriously, this is a real thing that has happened today on tumblr. I cannot even. I’m trying not to be all “Violence violence violence, stab stab stabbity stab” because of the nature of the topic; this was the best I could come up with.

When I was coming out of physical therapy today, I accidentally made eye contact with one of those clipboard wielding activists (probably from Amnesty International; my husband has to tell them about a dozen or so times a year that he’s already a member). I quickly looked away, but she pursued me and I had to duck my head and run for it.

It sucks having to come off like a jerk because I’m too tired to deal with some stranger all up in my space. But this is what I don’t get about the conclusions autism researchers come to. Supposedly autistics are the ones who can’t relate to others or understand other minds, yet allistics seem incapable of realizing that not everyone wants or likes to be accosted by strangers. And not just autistic people; plenty of other people have myriad reasons they might not want to be approached on the sidewalk by someone they don’t know.

Worse, when I made it clear with my body language (and you can’t get more clear than looking away and hunching over) that I wasn’t in the mood, she still came at me. She had no idea what was up with me and was apparently incapable of conceiving of the idea that I might genuinely want to be left alone.

And now I’d better stop before I fly into a full-fledged rant about how body language illiterate allistics really are and how much that warps society and the awful cycle it’s produced, etc. etc.