Autistic Hedgehog

Yes, actually.

First of all, communicate. Always, always, always communicate. Be literal and straightforward about what you want and feel. 

Be honest, even in cases where it might sting a little. We can be blunt and not always realize what we say may be hurtful, but don’t hold it in. We need to know there are problems if we’re going to fix them.

Don’t assume an autistic person behaves a certain way for the same reasons you might. A lot of times we don’t. I’ll often try to stop arguments with my husband and back away, and he tends to make the assumption that I’m using some kind of strategy to get the last word in, when in fact I’m just overwhelmed and my brain is shutting down and I can’t cope with it anymore. 

Sometimes we’re not very good at holding a facial expression, especially when we’re not doing much, or in a situation that lulls us into relaxation. This has led to many an occasion, for me, where I’ve had to reassure someone a thousand times that I’m perfectly fine. Take what we say at face value unless you have very good reason to think otherwise. It’s false to say we can’t/don’t lie, but even so, a lot of us don’t bother; we don’t see the point and thus can’t be arsed.

Finally, try not to take autistic behaviors personally. Sure, we come in all types, including assholes, but for most of us we just are that way. Sometimes we don’t return hugs or want hugs; that’s nothing against you. We may not like public affection, being in pictures, we may go through periods where we don’t want to kissed or touched, we may have meltdowns or freak out over changes or surprises, but don’t jump to the conclusion that it’s personal. Ask if you’re uncertain, but most of the time it’s just us being us.

(Caveat: Not really sure that I, of all people, should be giving anyone dating advice, considering my abysmal record. Just something to be aware of.)