Autistic Hedgehog
RSSPosts tagged with "grief"
![[“You’ve comforted someone in their time of need? You can’t be autistic!”
Why the everloving fuck not?]
[TW: Death] I think this is one that pissed me off more than most of them. Autistics get a rep for being cold and unemotional, for not being affectionate or sympathetic, when it truth most of us just show those things in unconventional ways.
When my husband’s grandfather passed away a few years ago, I comforted him by sitting with him and reading The Spiderwick Chronicles aloud. Yeah, it’s not “I’m so sorry for your loss” but my husband knows me. He knows that 1) that’s not how I operate (but that doesn’t mean I don’t care) and 2) I’ve actually lost a lot of people in my life and find phrases like those empty and meaningless, so I never say them.
A couple of years ago his sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. One evening we found out she didn’t have long to live. The next morning, when the phone rang, I left the bathroom (not quite literally mid-pee, but close) and ran out to hold him while he got the news. (I knew it would be bad news because the phone always rings in the morning when it is. Any time the phone rings before noon, I’m hard-pressed not to freak out.)
When my mom was curled up on the floor screaming and crying over the death of my fourteen-year-old cousin, I was the one who held her.
It’s true that in most cases I’m quiet. I stand by, silent, not crying so everyone else has room to express their grief. That’s how I act, how I cope. That I don’t often comfort people in the expected ways does not mean I’m not trying, in my own way, to offer comfort. And when I do offer comfort, this by no means negates my autism.
That goes for all of us.](http://36.media.tumblr.com/ef7001cb5e689d33c63bada9398e5321/tumblr_mjyx7rOJvL1rfhms3o1_400.jpg)
[“You’ve comforted someone in their time of need? You can’t be autistic!”
Why the everloving fuck not?]
[TW: Death] I think this is one that pissed me off more than most of them. Autistics get a rep for being cold and unemotional, for not being affectionate or sympathetic, when it truth most of us just show those things in unconventional ways.
When my husband’s grandfather passed away a few years ago, I comforted him by sitting with him and reading The Spiderwick Chronicles aloud. Yeah, it’s not “I’m so sorry for your loss” but my husband knows me. He knows that 1) that’s not how I operate (but that doesn’t mean I don’t care) and 2) I’ve actually lost a lot of people in my life and find phrases like those empty and meaningless, so I never say them.
A couple of years ago his sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. One evening we found out she didn’t have long to live. The next morning, when the phone rang, I left the bathroom (not quite literally mid-pee, but close) and ran out to hold him while he got the news. (I knew it would be bad news because the phone always rings in the morning when it is. Any time the phone rings before noon, I’m hard-pressed not to freak out.)
When my mom was curled up on the floor screaming and crying over the death of my fourteen-year-old cousin, I was the one who held her.
It’s true that in most cases I’m quiet. I stand by, silent, not crying so everyone else has room to express their grief. That’s how I act, how I cope. That I don’t often comfort people in the expected ways does not mean I’m not trying, in my own way, to offer comfort. And when I do offer comfort, this by no means negates my autism.
That goes for all of us.
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