Autistic Hedgehog

PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST: Warning about Disabled Skepchicks Blog and Call for Help

Hedgehogs, I need your help. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that we need our help.

A few days ago, my husband brought to my attention that the popular skeptic blog Skepchick was planning a sister site for disabled people. This was apparently due to a kerfuffle (and from what I can tell, not the first one) over ableist language being used on the site. Excited at the prospect, I applied. Only the find out that the very first conversation in the comments went like this, verbatim:

Nancy: 

Hi Sara – what about a parent of one (or more) disabled/autistic children. Can they apply?

Thanks!

Nancy

Sarah: Hi Nancy! That’s a good question– I’d say apply & we’ll figure it out from there. :)

I’m sure I don’t have to explain to any one of you why this bothered me. But I spoke up, pointing out that autistics absolutely do not care to have parents speaking for us and even linking to the blog for Autistics Speaking Day. 

That post sat in the moderation queue for three days. When it finally appeared, no one responded to it. Not even Sarah, who is supposed to be running this site. I wrote another post, pointing out further why this lack of response was so upsetting. Aside from being accused of things I have not done and still having my concerns completely ignored, still I have not been properly responded to by the person who is supposed to be running the damn blog. Nothing. Not a word. As if my feelings and the feelings of autistics just don’t matter. I have, as you might imagine, withdrawn my application, because who wants to work with someone who doesn’t care enough about your feelings to respond to you?

So this blog is two things. First, it’s a warning. If this blog ever goes live, I caution you all to stay away from it. They haven’t even begun yet and already they’re showing oodles of ignorance when it comes to people with developmental and cognitive abilities and an utter lack of caring for our concerns. It very likely will not be a remotely safe or welcoming place.

The other thing is a call for help. Despite doing things like linking to Autistics Speaking Day, I’m being accused of speaking for all autistics, as if there aren't actuallyhuge amounts of us who have very real issues with parents speaking for us. So I’m asking you, if you have the spoons, to please go there and tell them exactly how you feel about the idea:

http://skepchick.org/2014/02/disabled-write-for-us/

This warning and call for help is for every and any person with a cognitive or developmental disability, not just autistics. These people believe they have so much right to disagree with us that they can just ignore what we say.

Well, I’m tired of being ignored. I’m tired of being treated like I’m so little of a human being that my opinions don’t matter at all. Skepchick is a big enough site to do so much harm to our cause, and I refuse to sit here and let them do it.

I can’t tell you how much pain I’m in right now. I want to crawl in a hole and never stop crying. I want to sit on an island and watch the world burn. I can barely see for the tears. I’m scared, because I’m little and they’re big, and part of me knows I can’t win. But I can’t not fight, either. This blog has become too important to me. It’s helped me so much, and I know it’s helped other people. I can’t sit in silence while people who are not disabled like we are presume to make decisions for us. 

Because that’s happening every day and it’s hurting so many people. Even when I’m silent, even when I can’t cope, I watch. I see the things all of you talk about, the way you’re treated, how you fight and fight and people won’t listen and this…this was a chance for the truth to be heard, from our own mouths and our own fingers, and they don’t care. So I have to speak. I have to speak for all of us who have been abused, who have been killed. I have to speak because if I don’t, there’s no way to stop this cycle.

Help me tell them to stop the cycle. Please, I’m begging you, help me tell them that solidarity is not just for neurotypical people. That we are done letting other people speak for us. Please.

Advice Needed

Okay, I posted this like this because, hedgehogs, I need your help.

It’s all right, Anon. I’m okay, and I can tell you’re genuinely upset by this and really trying to learn; if you weren’t, a number of the things I said in my last response simply would have made you angry.

I don’t know you or your situation, but it sounds to me like you have reasons far beyond this kid being autistic for how you feel. You should never let anyone–yourself included–simply dismiss or devalue how you feel. It sounds as if he’s really not listening to you or respecting you, and that’s simply not okay, autism or no autism. 

This is a tricky situation and I’m really unsure what to tell you. I don’t want to be unfair to either of you, because his rights don’t trump yours. He’s not entitled to hang all over you in ways that make you feel uncomfortable or even unsafe simply because he’s autistic. And this doesn’t really sound like just some phobia of autistic people on your part. Clearly you’re concerned that’s what it is, and from certain angles it can look that way, but there’s a few things that read to me as red flags, and I’m worried about both of you. 

Fellow hedgehogs, please help us out. Do you think there’s anything Anon can say that will get their feelings through to this boy? Should Anon even make the attempt at this point? Does anyone know of someone who might have some experience mediating in this sort of situation? Any advice or suggestions at all would be much appreciated. We all have varying kinds of experiences, and our autism expresses itself in different ways at times, so maybe someone will have an insight that I’m lacking.